Letter to Katrina...

Dear Ms. Katrina Kaif,

First of all, thank you for existing.

Katrina (I can call you that?..thanks, afterall we're too close for getting this formality in the way), I have long been an ardent admirer of your art. But never before has the sheer charm and class that you embody struck a chord with me as it did day before yesterday when I watched the largely innane 'Namaste London', and was instantly compelled to write this letter to you.

Katrina, you have been a ray of light in the lives of hundreds of your viewers, but I think OUR connection is a lot deeper than the others. We share the same thoughts and feelings. I could see it in your eyes (your beautiful, lustrous, twinkling eyes. Eyes that open wide and pour out the sheer beauty of anger and shock when you want them too; the very same eyes that crinkle up when you flash the alluring and child-like smile) that you think the same way. Whenever you looked down from that screen at me, I could feel your intense and forlorn desire of leaving the rest of the world for being with me (the fact that each of your eyes was 4 feet in height helped me in delving deep into your feelings for me)

I personally believe that you know that I have a thing for women with genuine accents (of course you'd know that, only the other day I was telling your photograph all about my fascination with foreign accents), thats probably why you decided to live for sometime in UK, just to acquire that inimitable british accent that I find so alluring (not the common 'american accent' for me, thank you). But sweetheart, you didn't need to sacrifice so much for me, I would love and respect you even if you didn't have that accent (the fact that you took so many pains for me is tremendously endearing though!). I think you have been sent to this dreary earth to show women everywhere what feminity in this new era is all about. Beauty with confidence, the sheer joi-de-vivre of being, living life on your own terms (yes honey, it'd be your choice if you want to work after we get married, plus the fact that you make 10 times the money I make) {all for us cupcake,all for us - the faster we (you) earn, the faster we can start our idyllic life in a small (or large) chalet in south of France}.

Of course I haven't spoken about other aspects of your beauty, the way the corners of your mouth bend up a bit (ala Meg Ryan), the way you're forever ready to flash your million dollar smile. Sigh, you are the stuff dreams are made of (nice dreams! you perverts).

Honey, please let me know when we can meet. I'm dying to meet you. (Also would you stop your manager from playing the same joke again and again- "ma'am is busy, will not be able to meet you". I mean, its funny the first 1-2 or even 100 times, but after that it starts getting irritating) [ We'll really have to consider firing that nosey manager after the wedding, if I wasn't sure about your love for me {how could those longing looks you gave me from the screen be fake?!}, I would think that you're avoiding me using your manager]

Anyway, I have to leave now sweetheart, looking forward to our next date.

Kisses,

Swapnil