Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Rainy "Knight's" Tale...

Hehe, I thought I'd come up with a profound and intellectual post to commemorate 50 posts on this astounding blog. Instead, I heard an incident from a friend that I just HAD to share! Its hilarious AND has a moral to it! (yeah, yeah, I know, to better mankind is a responsibility that falls upon great men like me. And then its upto us to shoulder up to this immense load, forget our own discomfort and make our sacrifice for the betterment of the human race...).

Warning: Certain details of the below story have been subjected to prose-license to improve overall impact.

Moving on, heres the scene...

Delhi, that Goddess of all cities...
Late night, say around 1 in the night...
Torrential rains lashing the city. Brilliant flashes of lightening...
Two old friends sitting on stairs leading upto one's house. Nostalgia hangs clearly in the air...
The glow from the cigarette one of them is smoking flickers, brightens, flickers again and then dies out...
Both look up with a start.Both are transported back from the ethereal campus of DCE that they were talking about, to the current cigarette less state they are in...

Two choices, abort the conversation (Afterall one of them has a flight to catch in the morning). The sensible thing to do, you'd say.

So, Of course they decide to pick up the car and go hunt for a fag(er...cigarette).

And now the real story begins -

So these two guys are cruising along the road in search for the elusive cigarette and they see a weird scene infront of their eyes.

A hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress brushing off water from her self while a bike lies sprawled on the ground and a guy having a heated quarrel with a cyclist. The girl asks the guy (presumably [hopefully] her brother) to desist. The guy acquiesces.

The protaganists (My friends), eyes popping out of their heads (did I mention the hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress?), parked their car, got out with their most macho swagger.

"Is something the matter? Need any help?" (Aimed at guy, eyes strictly on the hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress)

"No, we're fine, just a small accident. No problem. Thanks"


Both climb into the car and move...slowly. The car seems to be resisting all attempts on the drivers part to accelerate. Both look towards each other, understanding shining in their eyes like a bright streak of lightening on a amavasya night (no-moon night, for want of a better english translation). This is too much like destiny. Straight out of a movie. A damsel in distress, how could the knights just leave her like that, lonely, forlorn, a tear in the eye. It just isn't what knights in shiny armours do, it just isn't cricket!

So the car, accepting the acceleration much more heartily than before, took a screeching U-turn. Racing back to the place where destiny was waiting for them with open arms and a joyous heart (Ok, a little explanation about a question that must be breeding in your mind - why was there no competition within the protagonists, even when the prize is so desirable, i.e. hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress. One of them has already found his destiny and is engaged to be married. So his role was of the loyal sidekick, the supporter who draws together and helps the hero overcome all odds to reach his destiny, i.e. hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress).

eeehhhnnnhhh, the car screeched to a halt. What was that?!!

Let us recollect the scene as our hero and his loyal sidekick had left sometime, nay, a few moments ago. The hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress, the potential brother, sprawled bike and a fast receding cyclist.

AND now:

Two cars with 2 to 3 guys each parked around the bike as the brother-figure tries to start it. All of them vying with each other to 'help' the hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress 's brother/boyfriend start the bike!

HEHE, our heroes took a deep breath and proceeded again on their quest for a cigarette...

MORAL: If you come across a hot-little-girl-in-a-little-hot-dress needing help, DO NOT let the opportunity go! There are always another 3-4 guys waiting around the corner to steal your 'destiny'!!


PS: My lips are sealed about the identity of the protagonists!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Lazy lazy lazy...

This has undoubtedly been the laziest ever Saturday in a long time.

Had slept late yesterday, so got up in phases, first at 8:30, read the newspaper, slept off; then at 9:30, opened the door for our cook, directed breakfast, slept off; then finally at 11:30.

We had the most amazing weather in Bangalore today. Brilliant cool breeze blowing across the beautiful locality I live in (reminds me of Vasant Vihar in Delhi). So I went for a little walk, but got pissed off cos my phone's microphone seems to be losing the battle against the water-drenching it was sujected to earlier. Screaming on the phone to get myself heard at the other end while enjoying a leisurely sedate walk in my exquisite tree-lined (hehe..I do really love the area in which I stay) is not exactly my cup of tea. And walking alone without the phone sticking to my ear is not the kinda thing I do.

Anyway, staying at home on a Saturday does have a few related problems. You get informed about a lot of domestic stuff that needs to be done around the house (not that any of the stuff is actually done,no I'm not saying that, but its still a bit disconcerting to have them enumerated for you by irate neighbours.) Anyway, so the nighbour lady has asked me to get a few things done, and I think some of that will actually need to be done in the near future.

One good thing was a looong 4-4 1/2 hour long blissful nap that I took in the afternoon. I got up from that with an all encompassing pleasured feeling that one only gets after a long, deep, dreamless sleep.

And now I write this post.

This is the 49th post of my blog. And the next one would be the 50th. Whew, who would've thought that I'd be writing 50 posts AND have people reading it too (ok, so not huge numbers but 2 is a number!)

Anyway, dinner time now...hopefully I can come with a really good post to mark the 50th.

Keep waiting!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Writer's block...exists? ...

Well, there you go. Not even 50 posts and he's already spewing jargon like a Pulitzer prize winning author. (Dude, we, the regular readers read your crap ONLY because our lives are extremely unexciting with no prospect of any ray of sunshine tearing through the dark clouds of mundane, non-awe-inspiring jobs {much like yours}. Its got nothing to do with your caliber {?} as an author - {wait, are bloggers authors? - I've asked this before but no one replied [ you useless non-answering @$@#%%s, shakes fist]}. So don't you throw any pretence of pompousness!)

Nope, no pretensions. Absolutely from the heart. I was doing some work in office till a bit late and am now waiting for a chap to give me a lift home. So I thought to myself my poor readers have been begging and cajoling me to write something nice, and all i've been able to give them is irregular, self-pitying drivel (Extremely well written irregular, self-pitying drivel, may I hasten to add)

So today I thought I shall write for them. Make them laugh their heads off and roll around clutching their stomachs in various homes/offices/malls/garages/jails across the world (depending on the time zone, and its associated activity in that particular country. NO, i'm not saying that there maybe some of my reader-base in countries where going to jail would be a regular activity....OH shut up- all i'm trying to do is to obliquely refer to the visitors map on the right. Yay! I'm being read all over the world! {except Africa, but I guess they'd find it difficult to find time for my writings while they struggle with lions and hyenas and despotic dictators.[I know all this is stereotyping a place, much like India is a land of elephants, snakecharmers and software engineers in a lot of western eyes, but WHAT THE HELL! no one from the entire continent was literate enough to stumble upon my blog?[Hey, its only the stumbling part thats a toughie, when a reader gets to this blog, he or hopefully she can't resist getting hooked])

So I put on my writer's cap, lit up my pipe and took up my quill to pour forth humour, mirth, sarcasm and satire for the benefit of my mentally parched readers. I was on the verge of writing something so brilliant that I knew that the readers life would never be the same again. The very basic tenets that she has shall be inverted and they would gasp at the audacity of the words i'd've written

But, zilch, zero, nothing. I can't think of anything to write.

And i've got a call from the guy who's gonna drop me home...

so cheerios mates, hopefully I'll have something substantial to say the next time I write :)

Monday, June 18, 2007

One hell of a bad day...

I am really pissed off...

I'm warning you, this is not going to be even a remotely funny post. Its going to be bitter ranting and raving.

The seeds of this terrible day were sown yesterday evening. I'd gone to meet up with some old school friends in the afternoon. Good fun, lots of catching up.

But then in the evening I hitched a ride with one of my school friends who was going to NGV. Now NGV is not really next to my place but I thought i'd go in and say an innocent 'hi' to a friend who stays there.

And thats where the glorious downward spiral began.

When I reached my friends house they had gone to a nearby store to stock up on "groceries" (liquid nourishment, lots of it). Well, even till that point I was in the i'll-say-hi-sit-for-an-hour-and-move-out mode. However, things just started getting poured and chugged. And, well, there was the US grand prix happening; and some other friends coming over...and suddenly I realised that I was in the middle of a full-blown party on a Sunday evening with the prospect of office looming up the next day.

Anyway, its not like I haven't ever had late nights before going to work the next day. So I guessed that it wouldn't be all that bad. But it was..oh, yes it was!
I finally hit the sack at some 2:30, got up at 6:30 am, reached home by 7, slept off on a fitful non-relaxing nap till 9. And when I finally decided to go to office (That was a struggle as well. I swear if I hadn't taken Friday off, i'd have just turned over to sleep for another 6-7 hours), I could hardly keep my eyes open and my legs coordinated enough to walk a straight path.

So I reach my nearby office, hopelessly late - in no position to even connect my laptop to the network in a coherent manner without help. But still, I managed it. All to see a rather dreadful email on my desktop. Now I won't tell you about the email because I do not speak about my professional life on this personal blog - lets just say that it led me to a lot of introspection which could've had a better effect if I was able to keep my eye lids non-fixated to each other without using my hands. Man, how i've worked, whatever little I worked, I really don't know (My fellow reveller called me and told me that he took two hours to compose a two line email - that was the extent of his dizziness)

Anyway, I struggled and I struggled, but fianlly my conscience lost and I decided to just go back home early.

There, I thought, we will see the repercussions of the problematic email and the consequent thoughts tomorrow, after I have a nice long sleep.

BUT, no!! It just couldn't be that easy, now could it?

As I reached my home, my haven, my resting place I was faced by a weird vision of my maid struggling with gallons and gallons of water pouring out of my groundfloor house. Apparently, one tap remained open in the kitchen and it flooded the whole house with water. Fortunately, the maid spotted it quickly and had access to the key so she could come in and stop everything from being destroyed. So anyway, when I thought I'd come in, plonk myself on the bed and forget all worries for 6-7 hours; I found myself struggling with putting things on higher places in my house. (Luckily the laptops were not on the mattresses we've set out to loll around in in the living room. That is their normal place of rest but somehow they were in the almirah).

After this I thought my quota of woes was over for the day.

BUT, no!! It just couldn't be that easy, now could it?

I made the room dark with makeshift curtains and tried to lose myself in blissful sleep. But now my eyes refused to close. No sleep. Aaarrgghhh.

Finally, got up from my sleep-charade and waited for the cook to come in so I could get some decent food.

BUT, no!! It just couldn't be that easy, now could it.

Cook's ill. He's lost my number so he didn't inform. I'm sitting here now after having bad Maggi, all alone as R is busy with work today...

Totally terrible day. BAH!

Monday, June 11, 2007

Theme parties..overcrowded sales...catching up...obscure exams..et al...

So the last week has been rather, well, interesting. Lots of old (and now unrecognizably plump) friends dropped in. If I start generally this will be one hell of a digression-filled post.

So we shall do what the order obsessed part of my brain says - we shall go chronologically...

Wednesday, AG came in from Mumbai. R and AG are doing a course on intellectual property rights law from National Law school here in Bangalore. After a number of postponements they've finally decided to grab the bull by the horns this time. Thats why AG has come in to give the exams (ok, now you've got the whole story behind his presence in Bangalore)

Thursday showed me the sheer over-crowdedness of this city. There was a Nike 50% off sale near MG road. I got to know of this through an internal company email saying that this is for employees of my company (the liars! every tom dick and harry could've just dropped in). Another reason for my eyes popping over at this news is that I've recently been getting many lessons on "living - within - a - budget" by a friend. AND she laughs her head off on my purchasing style (Which consists of paying whatever the salesperson asks for the first time. After some apologetically mumbled bargaining efforts that I know I'm supposed to do. OK so I can't bargain, I'm terrible at it...so shoot me!)

Anyway, I thought I was really smart. I started early in the evening from office after coordinating with a couple of friends (yes, we tele-conferenced to plan this using my office's faciilities...so shoot me! hmmpff)

R and I were to reach first and then AK was to join us later. So there we were, patting ourselves on the back for our enterprise, contacts, foresight, superior planning and brilliant execution ability....and then we paused - there was a line of cars one BLUDDY kilometre long around the venue of this supposed "exclusive sale". Arrgghh.

But we still persevered (No one shall say that we learn our lessons easily. No siree, we take all the knocks, then we repeat , get all additional knocks and then MAYBE, just maybe we'll learn our lessons). After wading through a sea of populace we finally glimpsed the holy grail - the so called brilliant shoes. Absolutely no variety, and atleast two people attached to each reasonably decent shoe (God, one look there and it seemed like Nike, in a magnanimous moment, had opened the gates of its factories for people to just rush in and take whatever they wish for; instead of paying "STILL-exhorbitant-at-half-price" prices for assembly line shoes in weird shades of purple, green and most noticeably Pink)

Anyway, after spending a fortune in time we managed to touch a few shoes. Thats it. We bought nothing from there. We went upstairs to see their apparel. Selected a few good things, but blanched at the prospect of holding on to our purchases in the face of a turbulent line that snaked from the check out counter. After dumping our selections in a bin meant for shoes (*shakes fist - there, ye Nike Gods; how did you like the revenge of the little people? I bet it must've taken you some 2-3 minutes to retrieve those shirts after the sale closed.).

The only positive that came out from this experience was that I got to ogle ..er..look at a rather cute girl who was managing the whole show (and very commendably too, keeping in mind the throes of people and the subsequent staff that had been deployed there). I'd met that lady once earlier at a party and had subsequently exchanged a few scraps as well. However, looking at how busy she was and that it was quite improbable that she'd remember me (I met her atleast 7-8 months back), I didn't impose myself on her. But yes, she's definitely in the "very-cute" category, and seeing her after such a long time could be said to have compensated a bit for the wasted journey.

But poor R was livid, absolutely nothing for him on this trip (He gave me ugly looks and enquired - "did you bluddy know she would be here you disgusting stalker".

Hehe..don't worry, I jest, I jest)

But then the evening progressed well. We ended up in 13th floor sipping on Brahmos'.We were a total of six people and it was good fun. Good food and drink, good company, good ambience = Good fun.

Well we've covered "overcrowded sales...catching up...obscure exams" and are left with "theme parties". I'll tell you about it later, its getting late and I need to go watch WWE to sleep for an early day tomorrow.

cya later kids!

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Melody itni Chocolatey kaise bani...

I'm angry. Really angry.

Since as far back as I can remember I've always wanted to get up in class/meetings/any bluddy congregation , and after everyone is staring at me with wide eyed expectations of a profound, deep and insightful question, say the golden words - "Melody itni chocolatey kaise bani?"

But now they have an ad (with a rather cute stereotypical geeky girl with spectacles) in which there is an exam setting where a guy is staring around looking lost while everyone else is busy scribbling on the exam sheet. The guy finally spots this geeky chick and whispers- psst...Psst...PSsst....PSST..to the geeky girl. When she finally acknowledges him and asks him what he wants, expecting it to be a question from the exam, the guy comes up with "melody itni chocolatey kaise bani?"

Aarrgghh, thats my line, I so wanted to use it atleast once in my life. And now they've gone and spoilt it...sob...

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Quick flash of the last few days...

Hmm, so i've been out of this blog for a few days. Somehow, I just don't seem to have anything to say, and no time to say it. (not that I'm working too hard. Jeez, that'd be the day, when I ignore the essentials of my life - blogging, reading, eating, trying to get someone to pay for my food, ogling at anything female that moves - because of work)

Anyway I'll give a basic round up just to let my regular readers know that I'm not moping around in a depressive state or something. Just plain nothing to say.

Well, Monday..hmm dunno what I did. Came back from work, counting days till I can safely go to office late again (you see, my boss was out of the country and the big-big-boss was calling me for work rather more frequently than when boss is there. Big-big-boss is so big that you GOTTA be there when he calls for you) . Came back, "helped" R a bit with his law assignment (yeah, help! One look at that assignment and all I could do was point at my flatmate, shake uncontrollably with mirth- "how in hell's name do you even think you're ever going to pass this course?"..."dude, you already have a master's degree, what made you think you could fool the educators once more?" - Yeah, my motivation techniques are slightly unconventional, but they work- R hasn't failed a single exam till date :) )

Then I was on the phone for sometime (couple of interesting conversations!) , and thats it - day ended.

Tuesday, hmm - no recollection, oh wait. I was tired and went off to bed early.

And then the rains struck.

Apparently we stay in a village where the local electrician plugs off the grid whenever he sees real or imaginary signs of impending rains. And thats what happened. Three hours without electricity, aaarrgghhh. (incidently, Bangalore rain is a bit strange- It starts late at night, is accompanied with absolutely NO wind and doesn't decrease the temperature perceptibly.)

So essentially what this current spate of late night showers is doing is:

1. Switches off electricity

2. Drives blood-thirsty mosquitoes inside the house (They just bite me, R comfortably lolls around watching some movie on his laptop - and the mosquitoes do not even register his presence, the b@$t@rds!)

3. Goes on at a just-above-drizzling intensity. So you can't go for a walk in my beautiful, tree lined colony.

So you can't go outside, you can't stay inside AND you have to provide blood sacrifices for the mosquitoes.

Thank you rain God, you totally rock!

ANYway, Wednesday...er..yesterday.

Yeah, helped R with some Art of Living thing he's volunteering for.

Then AG arrived from Mumbai (YAY!), went for a long walk with him while R was talking to his parents (they left this morning, so it was the last eve kind of conversation) . Showed AG the place where I'd taken my oft-mentioned scuba dive (The insensitive lout laughed his head off..sniff..i'm so hurt..no sympathy at all) .

Then we chatted for some time and made plans for today.

And thats pretty much it. A small synopsis of the week so far. I'm sure my regular readers would be happy to see some activity here.

Go on guys, its going to be a few fun filled days now - look out for the next updates!

Monday, June 4, 2007

India, through foreign eyes...

I bought this book called "are you experienced?" by William Sutcliffe yesterday. Its about a UK born non-couple that decides to spend some three-four months travelling around India and their experiences and travails.

The problem is that the girl is travelling because of some great visions of discovering her 'inner-self' and 'the meaning of life'; while the guy is travelling with grand visions of 'discovering the inner side of the girl's pants'!

Hilarious, the cynical guy and the gullible girl meeting a bunch of equally weird people. It is actually really really funny.

So funny that I bought it yesterday morning, read some 70 pages while waiting for a friend to show up...got back home around 10:30, and still managed to reach some 150 odd pages between intermittent power outages due to the rains yesterday...

AND I can't wait to get back home to lap up the rest :)... maybe I could just cut out of office early today, hmm, now thats a thought :) Or maybe just tuck the book beneath the laptop and keep taking peeks at it between "work" (sniff..reminds me of the neat Chrichtons and Asimovs I read when I should've been reading for my Social Studies paper...sigh good days - yes)