Thursday, July 5, 2007

Domestic conversations...

So R and I were talking the other day and came to a horrendous conclusion. Our conversations are getting domesticated. Ergo - WE are getting domesticated.

OK, a brief introduction is in order for those who don't know too much about R and my domestic situation in Bangalore.

We'll start with R. He was my classmate in 1st year college, 1999. After the first six month long semester we were in different classes but we remained good friends throughout our college days, then through our respective MBAs, and then through our jobs. So when he was shifting to Bangalore for his new company, it was a foregone conclusion that he'd be putting up with me. Things also conspired to make this come true because PS was just returning to Delhi and I needed to get a new flatmate in order to continue to stay in the picturesque house I currently stay in. So like a smoothly executed tag in the midst of a tag-team championship match, PS moved to greener pastures in Delhi and R settled effortlessly into a bachelor-pad life in Bangalore.

In the initial days of of our co-habitation (er..this doesn't sound inappropriate, does it?), we had a very basic bachelor pad. No maid, no cook, hell no fridge either. Our conversations used to centre around friends, girls, jobs, girls, booze, girls, weekend plans, girls, new pubs, girls, cricket, girls, expanding girth, girls, DCE, girls, beer, girls, maggi, girls, Delhi, get the drift. Regular GUY conversations.

And since both our parents came and visited we slowly started getting these luxuries together. Now we have a smoothly functioning household where we have a refrigerator to keep our beer cold food items preserved, a cook who comes in the morning, picks up the keys and cooks our breakfast, then comes again in the evening to cook dinner, a maid who cleans up dishes, the house & clothes. All in all a smooth, carefree existence.

We should be perfectly content with this arrangement, right?

WRONG!! Look at some of the conversations we've had in the recent past.


R(Calls up): SB, yaar, ghar ke liye kuchh khareedna hai? Main office se nikal raha hun (SB do we have to buy anything for the house? i'm leaving the office.)

SB: (Now in normal GUY conditions, I would rush to the fridge check if the beer is there, check the shelf to see if all kinds of fried snacks and giant packs of Maggi/ Top Ramen are there, and maybe, will also see the water level in the 20 ltr water can we use - this would've been my plan of action just 3 months ago)

And the answer would've been (in a macho drawl) more beer, some chips - make it the sour cream ones which go well with Vodka...

AND WHAT DID I ACTUALLY DO? Read and mourn the death of the macho, free guy in me...

I quickly rush to the fridge, open the door and without even glancing inside the freezer where we keep our beer check out the vegetable tray, note that the beans are over, cottage cheese is over, tomatoes are running low and maybe we could do with some more cabbage, then I rush to the shelves ignoring the snack and Maggi shelf with a sneer I bend low to see if the potatoes will last till the weekend. I then stand on my toes and reach into the top shelf, yes, we still have rice, sugar is fine and all the pulses we eat will last for a couple of weeks atleast.

And I answer: "Dude, more beans, paneer, cabbage and tomatoes. And yeah the maid was asking for Harpic and a new broom!!" [Harpic and a broom!! For heavens sake, God send your emissary, I want to die!!]


SB:(calls up) R, yaar there's a bit of matar paneer (peas and cottage cheese curry) left from the afternoon. I'm asking him to just add a bit more matar and paneer and make it adequate for both of us. You ok with eating the same stuff again for dinner, we really have to stop wasting food like we do.

R: (Sitting in a conference room in his office, surrounded by his COO, a couple of VPs and some trainees who report into him) Nahin yaar, phirse?? usko bol usmein kuchh aur bhi daal de. Aalu ya beans ya kuchh aisa hi...(looks around, the entire room is staring at him) chhod yaar, khaa loonga, uske saath juice pi lenge. (No man, again? Ask him to put something else in it too..potatoes or beans or something ...(looks around, the entire room is staring at him) it, I'll eat it, we'll have some juice with it!)

Arrrggghhh we've been domesticated!!! :(

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