Saturday, December 11, 2010

Problem hi Problem...

Once a decade, an event occurs that changes the outlook of a whole generation. An event so profound that everything else that happens in the decade pales in comparison.

I am talking about the release of a decade-defining movie.

Some movies come immediately to mind, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (DDLJ) in the nineties, Dil Chahta hai in the 00's. These are movies that have made someone as lazy as me get off my butt and go watch the movie in a theatre in the first few days of its release. So DDLJ was seen in the first week while DCH ranked a second show on the day of its release (ah, that legendary movie-bound bunk of Prof. Alok Kumar's class)

But yesterday I saw the first movie of my life in the first day-first show.

Yes, the holy grail has been achieved. The movie that will define the next 10 years has hit the theatres! 2010-2019 has had that slot already filled up. No, no I do not think there is going to be any movie that can even show a light to the movie I'm about to describe in this post.

Sigh, but I just don't seem to be able to begin. Much like iconic movies of the non-chronological genre like Pulp Fiction (the greatest ever) and Memento (well, it was mostly in reverse, but had some interesting cut scenes) the Movie'10, as I shall refer to it from now on, also follows a non-chronological order. The great thing about Movie'10 is that you can come into the theatre at any time, start watching the flick from any point, and you would not miss a thing about the plot. It would raise the same emotions in you whether you watch it from the very beginning, or manage to catch just 10 minutes of the climax scene! Brilliant, ain't it?

Movie'10 also seeks to display the histrionic abilities of many stars. What better could we, the humble audience, ask for? Much like the intense multi-starrer, Reservoir Dogs, Movie'10 also brings together a motley crew of stars that you haven't seen in the theatre for a long time. This great multi-starrer has it all - a former Miss Universe, a former Munna bhai, a former '24' star, a former 'action' hero, a former villain and a former I-had-hair-once-upon-a-time guy. What else could you hope for?

Coming back to the plot, as with most really deep and intellectual movies the plot is difficult to decipher and comprehend. In fact Movie'10 is so deep and intellectual that try as much as I could, I could not find any plot at all! Can you beat that? How brilliant is that, right? A complex cornucopia of sub-plots and set pieces. Gags randomly scattered in a collage of forced 'jokes'. The director was obviously mocking at the crass and low-class humour that seems to be gaining popularity amongst the cinema goers of today. What a brilliant ruse - pretending to have made a crappy, crass, loud and clueless movie while actually he wants to show the error in our ways. Hats off Anees Bazmi! Truly, you are a philosopher of the highest order.

The movie I am talking about, and one that should be on your must-watch list immediately, is No Problem. What are you waiting for? Go, run. Get the tickets and come out of the theatre thanking me!


PS: I have to put a note here for the small part of my reader base that isn't quite playing with a full deck of cards or I couldn't live with myself.
This is a sarcastic piece.DON'T WATCH THIS CRAPPY MOVIE!

PS 2: Always, always read till the end!

17450

5 comments:

sincerelybugged said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sincerelybugged said...

Nice satirical piece. Though the disclaimer at the end does take the fun out of...

But anyways assuming that "first day first show" bit is true and you did have a blast :) lol

Swapnil said...

Sincerely Bugged (interesting profile name btw): I couldn't help but give the disclaimer. I couldn't live with myself if someone actually went to the movie based on my piece.

Ajit said...

interesting!!!!So you stood in the Q, pushed the guys for the FDFS and once you got the ticket, you felt like a super-hero...to watch the movie when no one else has watched!!!!!
G3 was a disaster..Karina tries hard to act stupid....someone should've told her to be normal..thats stupid enough....
Dread to even imagine if anything can be worse than G3.......

Swapnil said...

Ajit: Fortunately I didn't have to get in line for this movie - bulk tickets were booked. If you ever see me get in line to get tickets to a movie like this - shoot me. Point blank range.